Life’s Lessons

I was once asked, ‘What has been life’s most valuable lesson?’

My response was, ‘The death of my child.’

The second part of the question was, ‘What were the lessons?’

The lessons were:

To have the courage to express what is in my heart with the ones I love so that I will not grieve what was unspoken.

That every life has purpose.

To stop being so afraid – the worst has already happened.

That I am not in control.

That to be present is the greatest gift I can give and the memories of the quality of those times will sustain me.

That many things in life just aren’t important and many other things are.

Not to let the suffering be for nothing. Find the gift. It is there.

That my world can change very quickly.

That there is very little that is certain in the world. In fact, I can think of nothing except that it will end. My life will end. And the lives of those I love will end. And many of those endings I may have to experience.

That having to see your children in terrible pain and anguish possibly hurts as much as the pain they are in.

That the tighter you hold onto something, the more painful it will be to let it go.

That it is better to try not be attached to people, things or ideas – holding on to them does not make them so.  And to try to walk in the world with my hands loosely clasped or open.

That when I begin to feel attached, to try to feel presence instead. That is love. So if you embrace your elderly father, or your young son who is now a man, or your baby daughter – breathe into the moment, a few deep breaths, it is a way that honours your love for them and grounds the moment in your being. Share your spirits. One day, maybe tomorrow, or maybe in the future, I may recall that moment of shared presence and take comfort in it.

That the Maori of New Zealand have a beautiful expression of this in the ‘hongi’.

That living and working for the future is not honouring of my life today.

 

That death is final but that the hope of knowing my beloved again is not.